(posted days after this was written due to power issues)
Six days have passed since my kidnapping and release. I can’t say that my mind has completely moved on. As I sit outside this evening with the dark rapidly coming on I am filled with nervous feelings. I am waiting for my night-time company to arrive, I had hoped it would happen before night fell. tonight’s rain makes travelling harder and I fully expect that’s what’s keeping him. Though my mind is already beyond the calm of my previous statement; in my head I already have him in a moto accident and not coming at all. At which point I would be very distressed for him and I will have to decide if I can make it through the night alone or if I walk down to Julie’s house and stay with her. Not having power in the house right now does not comfort my either.
Last night was the most trying night since the kidnapping so far. Every time I looked out the door into the darkness I saw bright lights of the flash lights in my eyes and feel the pull of the gun mans hand as he walked me into the house. Am I truly scared it will happen again? No, I can’t say that I am. It is more like a mild form of PTSD that I am feeling. It comes and goes depending on what else is going on. Can I say this experience has changed me in some profound way? I don’t think so, not at this time. I do not like the feeling of looking at the faces of the people I drive by trying to see if I recognize them, I don’t like the feeling I have when I am alone at night. But, I am not left alone after a certain hour. Do I feel anything life changing in my self? I had a truly shocking experience, that ended in an amazing way. I learned how strong I can be. Life changing? I don’t think so.
My work in Haiti continues and the project plans remain in steady motion. Wednesday night a mere 15 or so hours after the kidnapping I was at the Haiti Jazz Club for the second week running. I will not be run out-of-town, I will not change my entire life because of a few misguided people. Yes, I will take extra safety measures, not just locking gates but doors as well, not being alone at night and getting a dog. But run away I will not.